Facing bankruptcy, no help even from the church, contemplating the end, only pets and new friends make life bearable under lockdowns…

Today’s testimony is our seventh and last in our current series of cataloguing the real experiences of everyday people during the lockdowns. We shall collect more and publish them again – if you would like to provide a testimony please send it to us at info@timeforrecovery.org. Full anonymity is assured.

“I have been unable to inter my late wife’s ashes… in quiet times my thoughts turn to the futility of my present life and I cannot see any end to this so-called pandemic.”

“I LIVE ALONE after my wife of 53 yrs died of recurring cancer in late December 2019. A bad reaction caused by the introduction of chemotherapy resulted in my wife deciding that quality of remaining life was preferable to any invasive treatment. She also requested that she remain at home in the final period and did not wish to pass away in hospital or hospice environment. My wife enjoyed 18 months of quality life until she became bed bound. It was my privilege to ensure she remained at home and I was thankful that with the help of my daughter and the McMillan nurse we cared for her and achieved her desire and she passed away peacefully with my daughter and myself at her bedside.

Then came Covid 19 and life rapidly changed. I have been unable to inter my wife’s ashes in the local cemetery and although arrangements were made, these had to be cancelled due to the rapid and confusing changes and restrictions placed on our historical and hard fought for freedoms by a seemingly increasingly totalitarian government. Like most citizens I followed the laws and obeyed advice by isolating myself from others and having shopping delivered by my cleaner who was no longer allowed to carry out any work in my home.

As time has moved on and lockdowns resulted in more and more draconian measures put in place by UK and devolved governments, I became increasingly depressed and frustrated at the constant lies, moved goalposts, media hysteria that bombarded our lives with dystopian restrictions, threats, totalitarian laws and legal sanctions put in place by politicians that are now masters and not public servants. Dismayed I read and watch alternative views by eminent scholars and scientists, setting out the penalties of lockdown mania and the continuous erosions of our freedoms and the lack of family contact.

I am a former police officer. Serving the public for thirty years I have dealt with suicide in many forms. Having seen and dealt with the effects such suicides have on families I have been totally opposed to suicide and never even thought at that time that I may even contemplate such a tragic end to life.

However, as this constant, media and science driven mania has continued I have found myself thinking more and more of ways that I may plan to end my life. Angry with myself for even thinking about it, I have thrust myself into carrying out tasks within my home, decorating, repairing, making things and altering layouts etc in order to keep busy. I find however that in quiet times my thoughts again turn to the futility of my present life and I cannot see any end to this so called pandemic.

I have railed against the obvious manslaughter carried out to care home residents, the imposition of DNR notices by Doctors who are frightened or unwilling to emerge out of their surgeries, dentists where I was unable to get urgent treatment for a serious tooth abscess and treatment only made available by ditching my NHS entitlements and paying as a private patient, so far costing me, £3000+ and counting.

I am fortunate in having a very supportive close family. However, my daughter lives south of the border in Cumbria and the many and changing rules and regulations have not made it easy or even possible to see my daughter and grandchildren. Indeed, my son and three other grandsons I have not seen now for over twelve months with no sign of this changing with the mobile goalposts that seem to proliferate. Were it not for regular telephone and a weekly Zoom session, I would be completely isolated and I dread to think how others are coping who do not have the supportive families that I enjoy.

As a Christian, my faith will I am sure sustain me and will ensure that the dark thoughts I have will not be enacted. It has been a real shock to see how the established churches have reacted and merely followed government diktats, closing their doors to the very people they should be supporting. The church leaders are cowards and false Christians and I no longer have any confidence in any church with the exception of one small community church, the congregation of which has reached out to assist others and ensure that I am able to study the Bible and gain comfort from like-minded people, some of whom are now good friends.

Without this support and the companionship of my pet dog I dread to think of the possible outcome the effects of this lockdown mania has had on me.”

“I have gone from being a successful entrepreneur employing 120+ staff to being practically bankrupt, and likely to lose my home. There was little or no support for the company – furlough and bounce back loans nowhere near sufficient – and zero support for me individually.”

“I WAS a major shareholder and director of a large Event Production company which we had turned from a loss making £2 million turnover business in 2009 to a £45million turn over profitable business employing 120 permanent and many more part time staff. Inevitably the business hit a brick wall in March 2020. We spent all last summer trying to save the company but when it was clear that there was going to be no recovery last Autumn, we were forced to close down making everyone redundant.

As a shareholder I had personal guarantees linked to asset finance for our equipment – which was sold off by the administrators for peanuts – and my house had a second charge secured on it for a short term loan we had taken out while seeking finance for further expansion. Obviously, I have lost my investment and any potential for profit and now am likely to lose my home to pay off the finance company who have continued to charge high (short term) interest rates. I am of course trying to extend my mortgage to replace this loan – I have plenty of equity in my house, but “computer says no” constantly even though the repayment of a potential loan is fully covered.

All a complete nightmare.

I have gone from being a successful entrepreneur employing 120+ staff to being practically bankrupt. There was little or no support for the company – furlough and ‘bounce back loans’ nowhere near sufficient – and zero support for me individually.

Quite frankly if I was better off dead than alive it would have been an option. However, I will do what I can to rescue my family and find some way of recovering. It will not be in the Event Production business which will be destroyed for many years and may never come back after the absurdities of lockdown and the constant threat of Governmental intervention shutting down our business for extensive periods due to viruses that are no more dangerous than a bad flu epidemic – the final figures are likely to show that this is the case as most have died “with” Covid not “of” Covid!”

“I am one of the 3 million left out of all government support, they have told me I must close my business and I am entitled to nothing”

“I AM ONE OF THE 3 million left out of all government support, they have told me I must close my business and I am entitled to nothing, this has left me worrying about the future, will they do this again? 

How can they do this to someone who has been a net contributor and higher rate taxpayer into the system and never claimed a penny? The fact that a government can do this with very little opposition is frightening, how would most of the population have coped in my position? How would they feel if they were left out? We are certainly not all in this together.

Then they have the cheek to tell people to retrain, when all learning is virtual, how many years does that take, to get anywhere near to the salary that someone has previously earned, and in a time of ever-increasing unemployment, which will be far worse when the furlough ends?”

To read more Testimonies go to Part 1 here / Part 2 here / Part 3 here / Part 4 here / Part 5 here and Part 6 here.

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Photo of Border Collie with facemask by Dvorakova Veronika from Adobe Stock